May 18, 2018
For these past years, I see myself fat. My friends and family told me that I am thin. That I have the "just right" body. Not too thin, not too fat.
After I went to junior high school, I tried too many diets but, I ended up binging. I tried not eating for a day too many times, water diet, and I even tried vegan diet.
Last school year 2017-2018, I gained weight to 60 kg and my height is 5'1. Yes, I am small... And like after 6 months I dropped to 50 kg and I don't know what did I do?
This summer, I tried going on a diet again. I went on a vegan diet for a week only because it was hard. I live with my non vegetarian/vegan family which means mom serves us meat. A lot of meat. And during that diet I craved for sweets. I ate a lot of chocolate. I couldn't stop eating hotdogs. Fact, what I paired with rice for lunch for four consecutive years are processed foods. It is because that is what we can easily buy, affordable, and easy to cook. Going back, I failed the diet.
For the month of April, I did some exercise. Crunches, squats, pelvic lift, and leg scissors, not sure what it is called. It feels like dying.
I join cheerdance competitions in school yearly. Not because for losing weight but, because I love it. Well, the trainings did help me lose weight.
I watched so many videos in YouTube. Dieting, exercise routine, weight loss journey, etc. I turned out to be addicted in watching videos.
This month of May, a weird thing runs to my mind. I want to be anorexic. I want to be really thin. It really is weird. I asked myself why am I wanting to be thin when I am already thin? So I said to myself, don't think of getting too thin or having anorexia. You are crazy.
Now, I am planning to have this diet and doing this exercise that I wish will help me to go to this weight I want to.
You know why I am like this? Because it is a very boring summer that's all.
Xoxo,
Cassy ♥
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